Category: Holidays
Day before Easter
The day before Easter
Was the day before Easter
As I colored my eggs
I looked out the window
And saw a hare with long shapely legs
Now this wasn’t a typical rabbit
That your likely to find
It had a body like a playboy bunny
And a great looking behind
She was swinging her hips
As she came towards me
It was something amazing
It was something to see
I stood in amazement
I froze in my place
I stared at the hare
And it stared back at face
What did she want
I wanted to know
It kept walking towards me
Real steady and slow
My eggs were still soaking
In the egg coloring dye
Eggs of all pretty colors
That would bring a tear to your eye
As the rabbit approached me
as she hopped on her legs
She said, I’m the Easter bunny
Now give me those Eggs
Now in a panic
Cause Easter was near
I needed the colored eggs
Which I held dear
These eggs are mine
I shouted out loud
Get your own Easter eggs
Taking my eggs I will not allow
The bunny got angry
And started to growl
She showed me her fangs
As she put on a scowl
A blast from my shot gun
Did just the trick
It stopped her in her tracks
It stopped her real quick
Now my Easter dinner
Was something new
With potatoes and carrots
I had Easter Bunny stew
Happy New Year
The sun hit my face while lying in bed
But I felt like a band was marching on my head
Last night was New Year’s Eve and filled with drink
I looked around and didn’t know what to think
It was not my room, this was not my bed
How I got here had me scratching my head
I remember drinking a lot, like a real guzzler
But how I got here is a real puzzler
I turned to my left and what did I see
But some strange woman looking at me
Now I like women, all kinds and all sorts
But this ugly bitch had a face like a horse
I looked under the covers, my cloths were not there
And worse someone had shaved off all of my hair
I could only imagine what happened last night
I started to panic, my thoughts turned to fright
The woman leaned towards me and asked in a whisper
If we could make love again, after I kissed her
Now sex with women is my normal desire
But a kid with this beast I did not want to sire
I had to think fast, I had to think quick
To get out of here I needed a trick
Quick as a wink I told her, you know
Nature calls and to the bathroom I must go
When my feet hit the floor no time did I waste
I ran out the door in a great haste
Now true I was naked, with no hair to boot
But I didn’t care or give a hoot
When you go out drinking please take care
Or you may end up naked, without any hair
Limit your drinking on New Years Eve
Or in nine months a paternity suit you will receive
Toot My Horn
