Month: December 2022

‘Twas the night before Christmas
As  I sat in my chair
I was drinking some beers
Without any care
On the TV came a weather girl
With pretty blonde hair

Her voice in a panic,
she started to shout
A Bomb Cyclone was coming
It was en-route

I locked all my windows 
and locked all my doors
I checked on my preper 
Emergency food stores

Just then outside 
I heard such a clatter
I ran to the window to see what
Was the matter

Outside my house
From what I could see
It looked like a homeless guy
In the snow coming towards me

He had a funny red suit
With white trim all around
He had a fat belly
And made a Ho Ho Ho sound

A homeless beggar
What else could it be
He wanted the food I had stored
But it was only for me

I sat quiet and waited
For the next shoe to drop
Then down my chimney
This hobo did flop

I said hold on there stranger
And started to shout
Vamoose you varmint
You better get out

He ignored my warnings
And turned toward my tree
His ass shook like jello
It was something to see

Now hobo or not
My food had to last
I whipped out my shot gun
And gave him a blast.

I called the cops on this
Dead homeless guy
He broke into my house
That they could not deny

As they hauled off his carcass
I got over my fright
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night

On Christmas Eve I was watching TV.
When Fauci came on and he said to me,
The COVID is spreading and it’s getting late
We all must stay home and self isolate.
 
I ran to the doors and set all the locks
I put on my robe, my slippers and socks. 
I settled down to a nice quiet time
I then pored myself a big glass of wine.
 
As I sat there, from the wine I was getting looped,
But then I heard a loud thud on my roof.
I thought to myself, now what could that be?
Probably some robber coming after me.
 
I jumped from my chair, I was off in a flash.
I ran to the room where I keep my gun stash.
I loaded a 12 gauge as quick as I could
I figured no matter what happened that I’d be good.
 
I went back to the living room but what did I see
A fat guy, in a red suit coming down the chimney.
His eyes had a twinkle, his nose like a cherry
He had a white beard, and his face seemed merry.
He had a large gut, like a beer belly
And when he laughed it shook like jelly.
 
I said, now hold on there stranger, and this I must ask, 
haven’t you heard of COVID? And where is your mask?
The stranger said nothing and turned away from me.
He started to move towards the Christmas tree.
 
Now Christmas or not I did not know 
the COVID status of this jolly hobo.
I raised my shotgun and the led I let fly
I didn’t  want to get COVID, I didn’t want to die.
 
When the ambulance came to take his carcass away
The paramedics told me to have a good day.
I needed some liquor to calm down my fright,
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.